The Beginning

3.90 Miles

"Greatness is sifted through the grind, therefore don't despise the hard work now for surely it will be worth it in the end." - Sanjo Jendayi 

Last night I had a dream where a killer whale was left at my parents house. It looked as though it was dying. So I began to spray it down with a hose in an attempt to revive it. The whale was really grateful that I saved its life but now I had to continue to water it to stay alive. I knew I couldn't just stay there watering it forever; I had to get it back in the water. I kept asking myself questions like “how did it get here” and “who left it?” I had to go find out and I left someone in charge of watering it. As I searched for answers I kept worrying that the person I left in charge of watering would forget the importance of watering and leave. And to my surprise when I returned the whale was turning green like he was sick and needed more water. The more I tried to figure out how the whale got there and who left it, just seem to delay me calling animal control or the police to help me get it back into the water. So I finally called.

The Council

1.67 Miles

In a second dream, I was walking into a warehouse of a BestBuy filled with seasonal. I began to tell them all my story of how I started at BestBuy so many years ago just like them. I spoke of how I rose through the ranks over the years and how it led me to a position with Apple. As I was speaking and walking through the crowd it seemed as though the amount of people had doubled in size. I became aware that my story may not have as much impact to a larger crowd. As I continued to preach Apples philosophy of what makes their products so great is not the product itself but the feelings that are invoked when they are used, I noticed the crowd thinned out and everyone had left except a handful of inventory guys unloading a truck. How long had I been talking to myself? I was now finishing my speech to an empty room. I saluted the empty space, walked out, and said goodbye.

Faith

6.38 Miles

What can say I after almost hitting the 3 month marker of breakup? This sucks! It will suck more tomorrow and the next day will suck even more than the last. I wanted to punch every person in the throat who was about to utter the words "time will heal." Fast forward 3 months, 20 pounds lighter, fewer friends, therapy, almost no depressants, and yes it is a little easier to get out of bed in the morning, but I can say time didn't heal my pain. It was a large effort on my part to try and heal. When the time is right look deep inside and try to spend time with yourself, you might discover something or someone incredible. I'm almost glad it all happen. It was probably the best wake up call of my life. I finally started to realize that I was giving love away, but I wasn't in love with myself.

What Lies Ahead

1.59 Miles

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are but tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Change

5.62 Miles

Focus on the fight. Stop trying to win. You can't win everything and you can't please everybody. Action without aim leads to exhaustion. Apply yourself in the direction of your purpose.

Love

5.44 miles

I spent a little over 5 years in my last relationship. And since this will be the first year in over 18 years since I've been single on Valentines Day, I thought I'd do something different rather than scrambling for a date. I figure I run 1 mile for every year we shared together. The first mile is easy, the 2nd and 3rd you're coasting, then the 4th you start rethinking why you ran in the first place and the 5th gets hard. Most people will give up when things get hard; but I’ll tell you, there is no better feeling than pushing through the pain. Coming out the other side knowing that you gave it everything you got. That feeling: the sweat, the burn, the tears. That’s heart. That’s love. That's why we live. Never give up on that. Even if you find yourself running alone...#keeponrunning Happy Valentines Day!

Gods Cruel Joke

1.56 Miles

Today I laid in bed once again a little sad and alone, but something came over me and I just got up and ran. Every time my heart starts to hurt, I run. And I feel great. I just need to keep it up. I know that eventually things will work out as they should. It just sucks that things are happening the way they are happening. It's like God is playing a cruel joke. Whatever, I can't control anything I guess. Is that my lesson? Learn to fall and hope that the chute will open? Sigh... I don't know what to feel, but all I know is there is some work to do. So let's do it.

Fuel Enhanced

3.89 Miles

“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” Romans 8:26 NKJV

Yesterday I was in a lot of pain. My heart hurt so deeply. I couldn't shake it all day. I wore my misery like a crown of thorns. I can't take the pain. Everyone keeps telling me to stop searching for her, but it gets harder and harder to listen to that everyday. I just can't let go. Last night a friend told me that I'm hurt from betrayal because I've betrayed so many. It open my eyes to a bunch of new ideas. I did. I betrayed many. I need to be more conscience of this. I feel like shit.

 Forgiveness

6.36 Miles

Maurice this morning is a blessed day. I finally realized it. It was like a fucking bolt of lightning just hit me. I figured out two things!!! First I need to forgive. I’d been writing apology letter after apology letter to my ex-wife all these years (never sending them) looking for forgiveness but what has been really holding me back was forgiving myself.

Second, everyone has been asking me how is photography going and I always say “It's okay I'm working on it.” I never stopped to realize that my favorite images are the ones I take when I'm running, the ones on my iPhone. All the signs have been there but I didn't realize it till this morning. I spoke with my sister last night and she commented on one of them and said it was beautiful. I told her I "I have professional equipment and the camera I use is my iPhone" and she said "that's kind of your thing" I didn't realize it. I've been making art all along. Every one of those runs have been inspired with hurt, anger, love, joy, and clarity. Each one has a story. That's my heart and soul in those images. I'm shaking writing this Mo because for the first time in my life I found value in my work. Thank you my friend for believing in me. Thank you for everything. Life just got beautiful

Adversity

1.56 Miles

"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive." - Lee Lacocca

Runaway

7.56 Miles

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." - Nido Qubein

Guidance

7.21 miles

"Live your life like it's your second chance." - Salman Khan

I think it is safe to say all signs are leading me to move forward. Whether it's the comments on social media that lead me to believe she is moving on or all the omens I am getting not to hold on, but to let go. It's tough none the less and I have to recognize that my life, as sad and bitter as I am now, will get better. I have lost all trust and faith in myself and only now do I realize that I need God to guide me through. I need him to push me and I believe he has every intention to grant me the grace and mercy that I deserve through the struggle.

Darkness

5.88 Miles

No matter what challenges may have come my way, I know that I cannot let them stop my progress. With every step forward I am one step closer to the goal. Keep moving forward. Eventually everything will happen as it should. Till then I'll keep on running.

The Return

7.47 Miles

"It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done." - Vincent Van Gogh

I'm back!!!

 Beautiful Pain

6.47 Miles

In my pain and heartache I have captured some of the most amazing images of my collection. My motivation is to appreciate every moment before it too will be taken from me.

Focus

3.29 Miles

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates Concentrate

Focus on who is in your life and what is in front of you. Cut the cord man, she is not watching you and she doesn't care. So just cut the cord and move on with your life. There are people here that would rather hear you speak and spend time with you, concentrate on them.

Strength

5.96 MILES

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." - Sigmund Freud

 Unwritten

6.92 Miles

“Reaching for something in the distance. So close you can almost taste it. Release your inhibitions. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield

Today would have been 6 years 😏 I thought it was the perfect 👌 song for the next chapter 🙂 I think I might just be okay. I've accomplished so much in the last 8 months, imagine what I could do in the next few years.

 Porcelain

5.14 miles

I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this. Never in a million years would I like to go through this again. To be honest, it’s shit. I screamed, I fought the wall, I murdered my pillow. It was excruciating pain. It’s hard to be positive. I wanted to punch everyone in the face that said, “Just work on yourself.” I thought, “Fuck you! You don’t know what I’m feeling.” I went on like that for months. I ignored my friends and family because I couldn’t be happy, I didn’t even want to be happy. Let me remind you what helped. I went to see a therapist. I learned a lot about the demons inside me and how to control them, but mostly I could talk openly to someone who was objective and there to help. That doesn’t stop the pain though. I started working out, I ran mostly because it’s what I love to do. I did a push-up challenge to see if I could finish something I started. I read a few books including The Gifts of Imperfection. See the thing is that most people say time heals, but that’s not exactly true. You have to put in the work. You have to experience life and make memories of your own. So many cool and better memories that will outshine the heartbreak that you feel. Don’t get me wrong even during those activities I thought about how much I missed my person, but I knew that I had to do it. I mean I jumped out of an airplane. You want to forget some shit, go do that. Trust me for that minute you don’t care about anything!! All you do is start to appreciate the fact that you’re alive, healthy and that hopefully that parachute will open. Live your life with passion. Don’t drown your sorrows in booze too much either, it’s counter productive. Instead feed your soul and heart with new memories you create. And to be honest make sure your solo when doing them, it makes all the difference. You really get to know who you are when you are forced to do things all by yourself.

 Hope

7.01 miles

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” - Lance Armstrong 

Auntie I am going to run the Marathon! I’ve been wanting to do this for myself for a really long time. I’m running with all of my family in heart and mind. I’m running for all the pain I encountered and prevailed. Im running for anyone that said I couldn’t do it. I’m running so that I can cross that finish line and let everything go. I keep on imagining the ocean at Santa Monica Beach where everyone will be waiting for me. Not only my family and friends but those I’ve lost. I’m running so I can see Grandma Chiquita, Gordo, and my Grandpa. I believe they’ll be there waiting for me too. I love you Auntie!! Thank you for cheering me on.

 Don’t Stop

6.02 Miles

“As long as you still waking up, you still in the game.” - Eric Thomas

 Believe

16.01 Miles

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” - Mohandas Gandhi

 KEEPONRUNNING

18.02 MILES

I’ve lived here all my life.

It’s difficult. Life is difficult. The pain is often too much to bear. I found myself lying in bed screaming and crying to what life had been delivering to me. A failed career.  A failed marriage. Another failed relationship. A loss of loved ones.  Loss of friends. It came down on me like a ton of bricks. I just wanted to give up. I just wanted it to end. But just as life brought me down to my knees, I realized that I was still alive. I realized that maybe the reason why I had endured all this pain was for a bigger purpose. I realized that maybe the universe was building my resilience. That maybe God was testing my strength. Testing my heart. I began to run. Step after step, mile after mile, I found my therapy. I ran not to get away from the pain. I ran to endure it. I ran to feel it. I ran harder and harder till it hurt. So much that I remembered what real pain was. And just after I couldn’t go any further I chose to run even harder, Tears of pain. Tears of love. I was not damned I was not a failure. I was concentrating on all the negative in my life. I hadn’t seen any of the positive. I didn’t recognize that I had a great life in front of me. I didn’t recognize that I had a family who loved me and encouraged me. I had a home, a job, a dog, a cat, and a handsome Lil nephew who looked up to me, his Uncle. I didn’t realize that I had Love all around me. So I ran more and more for them, but I found that in the end it was myself I was running for. I needed to believe in myself. I needed to see what I was made of. I needed to prove to myself that I was still willing to endure more pain. I needed to prove to myself that I was still willing to live. Any runner will tell you when you hit that runners high, that pain is worth it. When you’re gasping for air you realize life is beautiful. And you are alive to experience it to the fullest. When I first began to run I could barely finish a mile. I never thought I would get this far. And On March 18th I will endure 26.2 miles of pain and as I pass mile after mile, I will leave it all out on the road. I will leave all the pain behind me, and I will run into my future. At the finish line I will see them all, the ones I cried for, the ones I love, and the ones I’d lost. And it will all be worth it. For what’s the point of living if we’re not living to love. KEEP ON RUNNING. Trust me you’re worth it.

 Arrival

5.27 miles

4 days till race day. My anxiety builds more and more as the day approaches. I’m not afraid of not finishing. I think the anxiety is deeper than that. You see, I’ve been wanting to run a marathon for as long as I could remember. Yet it has taken me 35 years to find the strength and courage to stand amongst the thousands and finish what is considered to be one of life’s many worthy challenges. Why? Because when the body runs out of fuel, it’s the pain, hurt, sorrow, and sadness mixed with the joy, love, compassion, and happiness that gives you the strength to finish. I had to wait patiently until life had knocked me down enough and brought me back, to build the resilience that I have now. Because even when your body says, “STOP!” It is your heart that says, “GO!!!!! You can do this!!!” And that is what keeps you running.

 Peace

0.0 miles

 It doesn’t matter how you got here; you’re here. It’s taken you years to find the strength. Not just the strength to run, the strength to move on, to leave the past behind you, because the past left you behind. And that is okay. Not everything is meant to last forever. Some things are for a season. That doesn’t make them worthless, on the contrary, It makes them special. They are mile markers. The steps in front of you soon become the steps behind you, but if you keep on looking at those steps trying to find a way of keeping them, then you will never move forward. You just stop. The rest of the runners will pass you by and you will never finish. So say goodbye to each step, but while you have them, make them count. For each step forward is one toward your goal and trust me, what’s waiting for you beyond the finish, is something more magical than you could have ever imagined. So when your legs get tired, run with your heart, and just KEEP ON RUNNING!